Draft Messages
by TimeNebula
Summary: Arya is sixteen when Jon is officially announced missing in action after serving overseas for a year. She writes him emails, as suggested by her therapist, but never sends them. These are her pleas, her confessions, and her realizations. These are her draft messages.
1. Heartbreak Chronicles

To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 02/05/2007

Subject: Heartbreak Chronicles

Dear Jon,

Yesterday, they told me that you are missing. Today, Father sent me to the therapist. The therapist told me to write to you. It would be therapeutic, she said. It would help me heal, she said. I do not want a therapist. I do not want to heal. I want you to come back. Please come back.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 05/05/2007

Subject: When you're gone

Dear Jon,

It's been three days since I found out that you're missing. I keep having nightmares. Please come back.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 09/05/2007

Subject: Missing You

Dear Jon,

It's been a week. I miss you. I have always loved you best. Please come home, brother.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 16/05/2007

Subject: Wish You Were Here

Dear Jon,

They have shipped Ghost over today. He and Nymeria are curled up together. Nymeria missed her brother. Ghost missed his sister. Do you miss your sister? I miss you. I wish you were here. Please come back to me.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

from: Arya_Stark

Date: 23/05/2007

Subject: Keep Holding On.

Dear Jon,

It's been three weeks. they're still looking for you. Wherever you are, brother, just hold on tight. You'll be home soon with me.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 26/05/2007

Subject: Howl

Dear Jon,

Last night, nobody could sleep. Nymeria and Ghost kept howling the whole night. And halfway through the night, Summer, Lady and Shaggydog joined in. I think they are calling for you. Father wouldn't believe me when I said so, but I know they are missing you. It can't be any other reason. It can't be. Please come back.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 31/05/2007

Subject: Since You've Been Gone

Dear Jon,

It's been a month today since you've been gone. Why did you have to join the army? Why couldn't you just stay home with me? Oh right, I know why. Mother. I have not talked to her properly since they told me. She drove you away from here. I do not hate her, but I can't look at her without remembering that she is the reason why you left in the first place. Father told me to talk to her, but I wouldn't. Father is sad too. He does not smile much anymore. I don't blame him. Most days I can't find a reason to smile. Robb and Theon are at uni, I haven't talked to them in a month. I have not talked to Sansa much either. She is gone an awful lot with her friend, Margaery. Bran and I talk, sometimes. He misses you too. Rickon got his first crush yesterday. Shireen Baratheon, remember her? She is a sweet girl.

I miss you, Jon. I have not gotten into a fight at school in a month. I do not have the energy to do so. Ms. Brienne, my therapist, says I am holding on to your memories too tight. I told her I would hold on to my brother's memories as bloody tight as I please. She pursed her lips and said I am only making this hard for myself. Why does she not understand that it was already hard when you left? Now that you are missing and only the gods know what you are going through...I keep having dreams about awful things happening to you. The nights are the worst. Sometimes I wake up screaming, and Father comes and sings me to sleep, only for me to wake up again. I have started taking sleeping pills.

I fear I am breaking, brother. Please come back home.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]


	2. Numb Me Down To The Core

To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 05/06/2007

Subject: Happy Birthday

Dear Jon,

It's your birthday today. Happy birthday, brother! I bought a cake, and blew the candles on your behalf, just like I did last year. I sent you the gift last year, though. I'm keeping it this year. I am going to give it to you when you come back, because you _are_ coming back. Please come back.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 09/06/2007

Subject: Memories

Dear Jon,

There is a boy in my English class. He keeps trying to talk to me. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to talk to anyone. I want to talk to you. Remember how we used to stay up all night talking and laughing? How we would make blanket forts and tell each other scary stories and then laugh at how stupid they were? Because I do. I remember those days like they were yesterday. And I remember how you would always stay with me in the fort even though Robb and Theon teased you for it. You have always been my best brother. I want those days back. I want my best brother back. I want my best friend back. Please come back.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 15/06/2007

Subject: Sleepless

Dear Jon,

Bran asked Meera out. You remember her, don't you? She's Jojen's big sister. Bran's into older women, who would have thought?

I'm having nightmares again. Father took my sleeping pills. He said that I'd get addicted. Mother keeps giving me sad looks. I still haven't talked to her. Ms. Brienne says I should. Ms. Brienne also says that I'm depressed, which is ridiculous. I'm not depressed. I am _not_. I just don't feel like smiling when you could be hurting somewhere out there. Just because I don't feel like smiling doesn't mean I'm depressed.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 19/06/2007

Subject: Summertime Sadness

Dear Jon,

My nightmares are getting worse. Last night, I woke Sansa up. Or maybe she was up already. I don't know. She came to check on me. She was worried, I think. Today, I convinced Father to let me have the pills again. Ms. Brienne doesn't want me to take the pills. She thinks I would do something stupid. She is a nice woman, Ms. Brienne. I think I would have liked her had she not been my therapist.

I'm improving in my fencing. Master Forel says that I'm channeling my anger through my sabre against my opponents. I think I am.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 25/06/2007

Subject: Numb

Dear Jon,

I talked to Mother today. She cried, and she hugged me. I should feel bad, shouldn't I? But I don't. Father hugged me too. It was a pure chick flick moment. You know how I hate those. But lately, I'm like a walking chick flick myself. You did that to me. I should blame you. I don't. I just want you to come back.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 30/06/2007

Subject: Hospital For Souls

Dear Jon,

I'm in the hospital. I took one too many pills. They said I overdosed. I didn't mean to, I swear. I just wanted to sleep without seeing awful things happening to you and hearing your screams. Father and Sansa are with me right now. Mother was here earlier. She was crying. She's at home taking care of Bran and Rickon now. Sansa is crying too. Her face is all red. Father looks sad. Robb is coming home tomorrow. I haven't talked to him in two months.

I hate this hospital. I've been here for a day, and I hate it. I think they are going to put me on suicide watch. I told them that I was just trying to sleep. I just wanted to sleep. They wouldn't believe me. I wish you were here. You would have believed me. You have always believed me. I wish you would come home.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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 **A/N: To the lovely anon who left me a review, no, Jon is not dead. Also, for some strange reason, Jon and Arya's full email addresses won't show up no matter how many times I edit it. So, there's that. And I just wanted to let you guys know that every read, every follow, every favourite, and every review means a lot to me. Thank you! xx**


	3. Love Doesn't Live Here Anymore

To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 04/07/2007

Subject: Recovery

Dear Jon,

I've been home for three days, and they are still treating me like I am a freaking china doll. I hate it. They still don't believe that it was an accident. Even Rickon acts like he is walking on egg shells around me. If you were here, this wouldn't have happened. But you are not here. Gods know where you are. I still have nightmares about you. They won't let me have the pills again, so I wake up screaming every night. Some nights, I manage to hold back the screams though. I bite my lips hard enough to draw blood so I won't scream. Sometimes Sansa sleeps with me, and holds me and soothes me. She's a good sister. I'm afraid I haven't been a good sister for a while.

I went back to see Ms. Brienne yesterday. She is disappointed in me, I could see. It makes me angry. Who is _she_ to be disappointed in me? She is just some woman Father's paying to talk to me. She does not care about me, not truly. I don't want to talk to _her_. I want to talk to _you_.

Robb is home. He does not even look at me most of the times. I think I remind him too much of you. He spends most of his time hanging out with Theon.

Mother and Father worry about me, I can tell. I want to tell them that I am fine. Except I am not. I am not fine. I will not be fine until you come home. So, please, I'm begging you, come back.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 15/07/2007

Subject: Soulmates

Dear Jon,

I'm back in school. None of them know about my trip to the hospital. Not even Hot Pie. And I'm immensely grateful for it. He's been worrying about me enough already. Classes seem to drag on these days. I've lost interest. The teachers do not even call on me anymore. I suppose they have been informed. Master Forel did not say anything. He treats me the same as before, which is something I am truly thankful for. Mr. Lannister told me to stay back after class yesterday. When I did, he said that he would give me an extension on the assignments I have missed. And he said that you would not want me doing this to myself. I am not doing anything to myself. What would he know about what you would want anyway? He does not know you, not like I do. We are one person in two bodies, you used to say. We were soulmates, you would say. Do I feel like this because you are feeling the same? I pray to the old gods and the new that it is not. I hope you are safe, wherever you are. I hope that you are safe and not in pain.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 25/07/2007

Subject: Crushes

Dear Jon,

Remember the boy I told you about? The one who is in my English class? His name is Edric Dayne. He told me to call him Ned though. He is still trying to talk to me. My glares ( _The ones you told me were icy and effective, you liar_ ) are not working. Perhaps they have lost their power. _Edric_ is a nice enough bloke, but he is very persistent. I think he likes me. Only the Gods know why. I question his sanity. I am not talking to him, though. Not more than necessary, anyway.

My classes are going as well as they can be. My grades are more than decent. You would be proud that I got a perfect score on the last math test.

I think Sansa and Margaery are dating. I saw them kissing once. They have not told anyone. Sansa has not even told us that she likes girls. I think she is hesitant about coming out. I do not see why. She is still Sansa, and now she likes lady parts instead of boy bits. I know Mother and Father won't have a problem. Besides, Margaery is a vast improvement from that twatwaffle Jofferey. Then again, anyone is better compared to that bastard.

Bran and Meera are going strong. It's sickening, really, watching them. They are disgustingly cute. Mother had a problem with Bran's choice in women at first, but Meera won her over. Good for her. You know how nice she is.

I talk to Bran sometimes. Talking to him calms me better than it does when it is Ms. Brienne. Bran misses you. Ghost and Nymeria miss you. I miss you. Everyone misses you, but I miss you the most. You are _my_ soulmate, not theirs. You should come back to me.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 31/07/2007

Subject: Make It Safely Home

Dear Jon,

Today was the last day of school. Everywhere I looked, people were so happy. I wanted to shake them, to scream at them. How could they be happy when nothing is alright? Every day there is no news of you, I feel something inside me growing empty. But then again, I suppose, it is my pain to bear. I have not given up hope though. I heard Mother say to Father that maybe you were…. _gone_. I do not believe her. You are alive. I would know if you were not. You said we were soulmates. I would know if you were _gone_. I would feel it. You are _alive_. You are out there somewhere. But you will come home to me. You will make it safely home. And when you do, I am not letting you leave. You are staying with me once you come back. Terrible things happen when we are apart. Please come back.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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 **A/N: Yes, I know no schools are open in July. Summer vacation and all that. But I only remembered that detail while writing the last email. So, I'm making it so that they have only August for their summer vacation. I hope you will forgive me for that teeny tiny or maybe not so tiny mistake.**

 **Cheers xx**


	4. The Meaning Of A Tragedy

To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 07/08/2007

Subject: The lies we have been told

Dear Jon,

My brother, my best brother, it turns out that you were never my brother at all. Yesterday, I overheard Mother and Father talking. Father was telling her that you are Aunt Lyanna's son. You are my cousin, Jon. Your father is apparently Rhaegar Targaryen. You remember him, don't you? He was the son of the mayor. Your mother, my aunt, ran away with him. You know what happened to them, don't you? Rhaegar died in a car accident and Aunt Lyanna died of fever. It's all lies, Jon, everything we have been told, and they are all lies. Rhaegar's accident was no accident. Aunt Lyanna died giving birth to you, and Rhaegar's accident was no accident. Father did not say who it might have been, but I heard him mentioning Robert Baratheon's name. Uncle Robert, Jon! I'm glad he is dead if he was the reason your parents died too. They say he was in love with Aunt Lyanna. Sansa would have claimed it a tragic love story. But….Is this really what love is? If it is, I don't ever want to experience it. Except, I fear that I have already felt it. I love you, you know that? You may not be my brother by blood, but you are still my soulmate, still my other half. Please come back soon. I expect Mother would be all over you when you do. I heard her scream at Father, you know? She cried and screamed at him. If I weren't the only one at home, I suspect everybody else would have heard her. She blames Father for making her a terrible mother. Before you say anything, those were her words, not mine, although I'm inclined to agree with her. She should have loved you, Jon, whether you were Father's son or Aunt Lyanna's, she should have loved you. How could she not love you? How can anyone not love you? You're the best man I know. Please come home. Come home to me.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 15/08/2007

Subject: Families old and new

Dear Jon,

Today, Father told everyone that you are our cousin. They told us that you are Aunt Lyanna and Rhaegar Targaryen's son. We were all mad. Oh, not at you, never at you. But at Father for lying to us. You have another family too, you know? You have an Aunt and a half brother who lives in India. Father is going to try to get in touch with them. They don't know about you, you see, and they deserve to know. I wish we all had known it earlier. Maybe then you wouldn't have left and I would still have you here, with me.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 25/08/2007

Subject: Things that could be

Dear Jon,

I told Ms. Brienne that you are my cousin. She asked me if this changes the way I think about you. It doesn't, does it? You are still my brother. I think. Oh, Jon. I do not know what to think. I do not look at you the same way I look at Robb. My touch doesn't linger on his skin the same way it used to do to yours. Nor does he give me butterfly kisses on my neck. Looking back on it, he does not make my heart ache the same way you do. Not Robb, not Bran, and not even Rickon. It keeps me up all night, Jon. And when I do fall asleep, nightmares plague me. I'm not taking the pills again, though. My mind seems to do things its own way. I wouldn't trust myself not to have a repeat of last time.

All this wondering, thinking, this feeling, Jon, it hurts. It aches. It almost makes me wish that I had never found out that you are my cousin rather than my brother. Maybe then I wouldn't have taken notice of trivial things that seem like such grand gestures. It almost makes me wish. Almost. Still, a significantly large part of me is relieved, because the thoughts, the feelings, my mind seemed to have shut down are starting to unravel. I feel lighter, as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Should I tell Ms. Brienne? I do not know. I wish you would just come back already. My life seems emptier when you are not with me.

On a different note, Father is still trying to contact your Aunt. Her name is Daenerys. She is a zoologist in India. She is supposedly very beautiful, and very kind. I think I would like to meet her. I wouldn't mind meeting your half-brother too.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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To: Jon_Snow

From: Arya_Stark

Date: 30/08/2007

Subject: Love and other things

Dear Jon,

Father finally got in touch with Daenerys. He says she is very eager to meet you, and so is your half-brother. His name is Aegon. It's a pompous name, isn't it? Anyway, when Father told her that you are missing in action, she said that she would not give up on hoping. She would not give up on you. I like, no, love, her already.

I talked to Ms. Brienne about what I have been feeling. She says she is glad that I am not depending on the pills again. She also says that there is a possibility that I might be in love with you. But how can that be? You are my brother, or were, at least. I cannot fall in love with you. I told Ms. Brienne as much. She said, "The heart works in mysterious ways." Stupid heart. If being in love hurts this much, I do not want it. Besides, I doubt that I am in love with you. I love you, of course I do, but in love with you? Ms. Brienne is wrong. When you come back, you are telling her that she is wrong. You will come back, won't you? You have to come back.

[message not sent]

[message saved as draft]

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 **A/N: Thank you all for the lovely reviews! Every follow, favourite, read, and comment means the world to me.**

 **Also, I've been watching The Borgias. Cesare and Lucrezia Borgia are my newest OTP. Those two are absolutely perfect for each other. Also, they remind me so much of Jon and Arya that I think they are what Jon and Arya would have been like if they had all stayed together.**


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